KIDS & THE THINGS THEY SAY!
I have three boys.
My oldest (MO) is my smallest. He has always been focused, serious, and has a steel-trap memory. A little wiry great athlete who loves the finer things in life: girls, clothes and any stuffed animal that is super soft. Funny how he also has a fiery temper and excels in the art of manipulation! Presently fancies himself as a Momma’s boy.
My middle (MM) son is like fine crystal. Everything about this boy has a pattern with edge. Beyond his years. Often my teacher. There is fragility, studliness, and a big dose of self-awareness. Very modest and shy at first, he prefers to study before reaching out. Great swimmer, and unfortunately for his brothers, a great boxer. He feels everything very deeply and has an affinity for animals. We are very alike. Presently fancies himself as his own man.
My youngest (MY) is big in every way. His head, his tall solid body, his blue eyes, his lips, his laugh. He loves to love and is always the first to compliment. Announces to all that his mom looks beautiful or that dinner is delicious. Loves to eat, and then there is his love for his big brothers. Idol worship even though he endures being the brunt of whatever they decide to do with him. One hour he is the great playmate because he’ll do anything to get their attention, the next he's a punching bag or the victim of their teasing. Never occurs to him that his size would allow him to pummel them. The most cheerful and full of optimism. A humor like an old-school comedian: Johnny Carson meets Jackie Gleason. He reminds me to be so thankful. Presently fancies himself as Dad’s guy.
From when they started speaking, there was so much laughter. The things they would say to us and each other! Their reasoning, choice of words, their frankness; I never wanted to forget. We keep a book in the kitchen. As they say funny things we write them down with the date in the book. Inevitably once a year that book is read aloud, both the old and new entries. So funny. I tease them that I’ll read it to future girlfriends. I probably will! These are some of them.
News
-
August 19, 2010
CHARMING BEHAVIOR
My Oldest is 4 ½. Passing gas is done with pride. Lucky me.
MO graces me with a very long, very loud fart. When it’s finally over, he pronounces:
"My butt is a diesel machine, and my farts are a lot of diesel. Pardon."
Good to know. -
July 23, 2010
EVIL PLANS
All three boys are in their room with their door closed. Dad goes to investigate. He arrives at the door just as my youngest comes out and blocks the way.
“Dad! Dad! Unbutton my pants!” he says frantically, “ I have to go pee!”
My husband replies. “OK. OK. Hey, do you want to come downstairs and watch a movie with me?”
This is always a favorite activity.
With a look of contempt MY answers:
“No Dad! I want to keep making evil plans with my brothers!”
He slammed the door behind him.
!!
Source: LaurenHolly.com
-
June 26, 2010
MY YOUNGEST'S THIRD BIRTHDAY
It is 7:20 am. Birthday boy, and my middle one are waking up first. I listen to the intercom:
MY: "Mommy, I need you. I have to go pee!"MM: "It is your Birthday. You are three. You don’t need Mommy for everything your whole life. Go pee yourself!"
True for him. Sad for me. -
April 28, 2010
Conversation #8
My youngest son had a big head for one reason- he was going to be a big guy. I knew the teasing would not last forever. I doubt that when he is full grown, he will have to endure any. No one would dare! Luckily, I knew he would never turn into a bully. MY’s disposition couldn’t be more loving or sweet. From waking up every morning with a smile, always ready to hug, to how he treated his comfort friend. ‘Teddy’ was the classic bear that he always had by the paw, who he slept with, he protected, and was the only one who could talk with him. His two big brothers didn’t have such a lasting attachment to one particular thing. I think they also knew how protective I was toward Teddy (his loss could be quite traumatic!), for they spied the two ‘back-ups’ I had hidden in my closet. So sometimes they took out their frustration with MY on teddy, or even vice versa. MY just blindly worshipped….
My Oldest and My Youngest are arguing over a place on the couch. I feel I should try to stay out of it. Just watch and see if they can work it out. MY is not budging his position, no matter what his big brother tries bribing him with. MO is increasingly more frustrated. He explodes-MO (little fists clenched): “MY!” I’m going to beat the (knows he better not cross that line, Mom’s watching…) …Teddys out of you!
MY (calmly): No “MO”. There is crap in me. You are going to beat the crap out of me.
I can’t help it- I laugh.
MY explodes!-
MY: No! Mom! It is NOT funny! There is ONLY crap inside of me, Teddy is right here!(He holds up Teddy.)
They teach me something everyday. -
March 28, 2010
Conversation #7
Once again touching on My Youngest’s head size.
Most Likely Nanny Deb felt that she had to cushion some of the blows from ‘big head’ name calling from his brothers.
DEB DEB: Henry, your head is so big because of your brain. So is mine.
MY: Well I have 100 brains, and one of them is just for food. Thinking about it. Thinking about its ingredients. And eating it.
I can relate. -
February 23, 2010
Conversation #6
Mom and the boys are eating lunch. Inspired by our reading of a Harry Potter book, we decided to come up with our own gross candy. Like the wizards.
My Oldest: Once I had a jellybean that tasted like dirt.
My Middle: Once I had a jellybean that tasted like diarrhea! (seems like a lot of conversations around my house include this word.)
Mom: Once I had a jellybean that tasted like feet.
It’s My Youngest’s turn. We wait. And Wait. …. Finally-
MY: Once I had a jellybean that tasted like strawberries! It was delicious!
Pause……
MM: Okay. ‘MY’ can’t play. -
February 4, 2010
Conversation #5
My Middle is almost 5. My Youngest is about 3 ½. They are playing in a large cardboard box that was a bonus from a visit from their favorite brown truck.
MM: “MY”! “You are breaking it! Your big ginormous head is so big! AND YOU ARE BREAKING IT! And you are drooling on it! AND your head is so big!
MY (Still idolizing everything about a bigger brother) says sweetly: “I’m sorry ‘MM’.”
MM (conciliatory tone): No, it’s not your fault. You are just gonna break this box all because of you. If there is a big head guy in this box, it’s you, right? (Pause….) So get out.”
MY did sort of have a big head. -
December 2, 2009
Conversation #4
My kids love tv, and I really don’t like them to watch it. I remember my Dad used to tell me it would “rot my brain”. It’s true for the most part. The worst is the constant barrage of commercials. If you watch your kids watch commercials, you can actually see the brainwashing take effect. They believe what they are told. This usually leads to them begging for something because “it’s the greatest toy ever!”, or “all the kids eat it!” The thing is, they even suck in the non-kid commercials.
Jerome was driving my youngest in the car. They had just had an ice cream, and Jerome complained aloud that he was so full he didn’t feel good. My boy had the answer from the back seat:
“Just order NUTRI-SYSTEM. They deliver. It is very healthy. You feel good, and you can wrap a tape measurer around yourself a lot of times after you eat it. That makes you feel even more better.”
Good to know. -
November 2, 2009
Conversation #3
Earlier this year we were in Austin, Texas for a family wedding. I was really looking forward to the trip. A whole section of my Dad’s family lived there. Time with them had always made special memories, but it wasn’t often enough. When I was 12, the family drove a Winnebago cross country to my Nanny and Papa’s house. My family met them there. My Aunt and Uncle had 3 daughters, just a little older than me. Even though we were very close in age, they seemed to be otherworldly. Each was uniquely pretty. They would wear jewelry and only take it off to swim. I would stare at the PIERCED earrings, rings, bracelets and necklaces all jumbled together in a dish on a side table in my grandparent’s TV room. They would dive headfirst into the pool. Late at night they would disappear into the mysterious giant vehicle parked at the curb, only to emerge in the morning shiny as usual.
This weekend we found that the passing of the years moved us closer. We were the same. Such fun was had. Marriages had brought kids and our number had multiplied. The boys were in heaven. We were most of the hotel guests, so there was always family to eat with, swim with, hang in the lounge with. The other large party at the hotel was President Bill Clinton and his team. Considering Secret Service was everywhere, it felt super safe. The boys were allowed to take the elevator alone, but together. They would make plans to meet family somewhere and off they went. Constantly. So now we were all in our suburban one in a caravan going to the rehearsal dinner. MO, MM, and MY were already heady with all the independence, and now they were floating even higher on the compliments of how handsome they looked in their party outfits. As usual, I missed a turn and got separated from the caravan. I told everyone to help me look at street signs. MY pipes out:
MY: I could help you Mom, because I’m a genius. (He loves to recount every compliment he’s ever received with pride. Genius must have been bestowed at some point, and apparently it made quite an impression. He loved to recall it. Often.)
FRANCIS, JEROME, MOM, UNCLE NICK and his girlfriend MEGAN: (all smiling knowingly at each other) Oh Thank You MY! You ARE a genius! Etc.!
MY: (continues with a stream of dead-pan comic mumble, to no one in particular. Not even one breath until the finish.) I don’t know that many letters. Well, I do know the ones in MY. But I can’t read. I can count to 88. Not every single one. But I count to 20. For sure. There are two kinds of letters. I think. I don’t know how to drive, but I will learn it. And….( a ta da moment)… I still know I am the smartest guy in Texas!
Glad we were in the car. -
September 16, 2009
Conversation #2
I had always planned to put all 3 of my boys in one bedroom. I really think it has bonded them. There is no set alliance between them, and lots of time spent in harmony. The fights are constant, but just about territory. Each of them started out alone. When they slept through the night and stayed in bed they got to be in the big boy room. There was always a period of adjustment. Back to getting out of bed. The pitter patter of footsteps back and forth across the ceiling leading to fits of laughter and inevitably tears. The really bad nights had us punctuating this chapter with trips to the room and stern lectures and ultimately threats followed by private remorse. Eventually the excitement of being roommates wore off, and we all would sleep well.
Looking back, MO and MM passed that bump pretty smoothly. It was MY’s arrival that triggered an avalanche of consequences. No desserts. No movies. No playdates. That kind of life went on for awhile.
I’m pretty sure nighttime parties still happen, they’ve just learned to outsmart the monitor. I don’t get suspicious with silence…. This incident happened at the very outset of the threesome, when I had forgotten the last time, and I was filled with optimism of an uneventful transition.
All three of them were in bed listing to me wrap up on “Now that you are big boys” speech by the glow of the nightlight. I promised that there would be reward for going to sleep quietly, that we would do something special tomorrow to celebrate. “So sweet, ” I thought as I left the room. Miraculously, it happened. Not even talking in the dark. Soon the whole house was quiet. At 4:10 am silence ended. Blasting into my head came MY singing the Beatles’ Yellow Submarine, but only the refrain we all live in a yellow sub-marine yellow submarine yellow submarine over and over again. The shouting that joined the singing coming out of the monitor confirmed that MO and MM felt similarly to their Dad and I.
MO: You’re gonna ruin it! Be quiet!
MM: I was sound asleep! (He sounds like he’s crying…?)
MO: You’re such a baby! Go back to your own room!
MY: WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE YELLOW SUBMARINE YELLOW SUBMARINE ( Much louder, and out of bed stomping around! )
MO: Now you are going to get it!
MM: (He’s definitely crying.)
The sound of footsteps running across the room . Yellow Submarine ceases. There is a grunt. More Running footsteps, again . Sibling punishment dispensed.
MY: (Starts crying.)
It was a full on breakdown of peacefulness. Tantrum central. I ferociously turned on the mic as a voice that I pulled out left no room for inattention. It meant business. Not a chance of misinterpretation. I even made myself listen.
MOM: Be quiet! You are supposed to stay in bed! You should be asleep! MY Greco! Did I move you to the big boy room to early?! There will be no reward tomorrow! Now think about it so you don’t make the same mistake. Quietly! NOW GOOD NIGHT!
Silence. It worked. Fran acknowledges my success with a nod of relief. Exhale. Beat . Beat.
Suddenly, blasting through the intercom:
MY: (with big boy conviction) Mom! Stop copying my brothers!
The NIGHTIME MAYHEM had set sail. -
May 21, 2009
Conversation #1
This one falls under that heading, WHEN KIDS SPEAK THE TRUTH AND PARENTS ARE EMBARRESSED:
It is 2004. Mom and MO are in the grocery store. People try to talk to him with his delicate features, blue eyes and blonde hair. He prefers to sit in the cart seat and stare right back at you, the silence awkward. He is just thinking. People go back to their shopping.
We finally make it to check-out. The line is long, plus we have a lot of stuff. I’m surprised that MO is as silent as he is. I realize he is absolutely focused on the checkout girls’ fingernails. They are incredibly long and curved, painted with a bright colored pattern and a rhinestone on each one. Finally she notices that he is staring at her fancily manicured nails and she starts talking to him about them.
Check Out Girl: Aren’t they pretty? She asks as she flutters them around her face.
MO stares at those nails around her face.
MO: (nods yes) Why don’t you use them? (He speaks!)
C/O Girl: Because they’ll break! She squeals.
MO stares.
C/O Girl: That’s why I don’t press anything with them.
MO stares. The people in line are enjoying the exchange.
The Check Out Girl demonstrates how she only uses the pads of her fingers on the keys of the cash register with extra flair.
MO: You should use them to get that big booger in your nose.
He was right. There it was. Awkward.
